Passion Fashion
by beo-go-deo
Summary: Sirius, Remus and James battle it out for Lily's heart in a dating show that sees Lily choose the winner based on their taste in womens clothing? On a show called Passion Fashion? Sounds cracked to me!
1. Episode One

I don't own Harry Potter, and I'm not making any money from this. I don't own Paisean Fasiean (That's Irish for Passion Fashion) either, and I'm not sure who does. It's on TG4 anyway.

This isn't a story to take seriously. It is modelled after an Irish dating show on teilifis na Gaeilge. Obviously here it's in English, so none of the cool lines that the presenter comes out with really come across. All you need to know is they rhyme in Irish.

Hope you like it!

* * *

**Presenter** : Hello and welcome to this very special edition of Passion Fashion! This week we are coming to you straight from the hip and happening Hogsmeade, you've heard it before, but this really is where the magic happens.

On the show we have three handsome contestants who will battle it out for the chance to win our dashing diva's heart - without actually meeting her. After viewing a short clip she has recorded, they will go shopping and select an outfit for her, one that they believe shows off their personality best, and of course their shopping skills. So lets meet this week's gorgeous guest!

-_Cut to presenter nervously weaving her way through the Griffindor common room, casting a particularly apprehensive look at a group of students playing Exploding Snap near the stairs. She climbs the stairs and knocks on the door of the seventh year dorms._-

**Presenter** : Welcome to the show, Lily! Nervous? Excited? Scared? We have three excited contestants ready and waiting to win your heart!

**Lily** : It'd better not be that Slytherin creep that tried to chat me up yesterday!

**Presenter **: You sound like you have lots of experience in that field!

**Lily **: Um…not really, no.

**Presenter** : Well that's all about to change! Take us through your wardrobe Lily.

-_They cross the room to Lily's wardrobe, stepping over a cat, two bags, a cauldron, several bottles of butterbeer and what looks like half the Hogwarts library on the way. Lily opens the doors, and the presenter takes a step back in shock_-

**Presenter** : It's, well, it's empty.

**Lily** : What were you expecting, Narnia? Look, here's my good uniform! Pulls identical Hogwarts uniform from the door of the wardrobe

**Presenter** : ….

**Lily** : And look! Points to floor There's my Griffindor scarf, and my Winter cloak, and my hat!

**Presenter** : You kids live really, really, really sheltered lives here, you know that? My granny would swap you for me in an instant, you know that? She says I have no dress sense and need to be shown how to button up my shirt properly. Can you believe that? She subconsciously looks up and down her figure in Lily's room mates' mirror.

**Lily** : Imagine that. But hey, cut us some slack. We live in a castle, on a hill. There's a forest nearby, and a lake. Not all that much else.

**Presenter** : Have you got anything not part of a uniform?

_Lily roots around in the wardrobe and comes out with a pair of jeans, three tee shirts (two of them white) and a green hoody._

**Presenter** : Right, moving on. What do you look for when you're out shopping?

**Lily** : I thought the answer to that would be obvious. I'm in my NEWT year. Quills and extra parchment are high on my list, and not a lot else.

**Presenter** : Oo-kay. Are you a fan of sparkles? Glitter?

**Lily** : Are you mad? Can't stand them!

**Presenter**: Do you prefer skirts or dresses?

**Lily** : Can't say I have a favourite.

**Presenter**: Well, what do you look for in a man?

**Lily**: um, an interest in the same subjects would be a bonus, though-

**Presenter**: When you say subjects, you mean classes, lessons, right?

**Lily**: Naturally.

**Presenter**: Okey dokey. Moving on. What else?

**Lily**: I admire a guy who can stand up for what he believes in, a guy-

**Presenter**: In looks, Lily.

**Lily**: Oh. I never thought about it really. Isn't this meant to be a blind date? So it's irrelevant.

**Presenter** (Through gritted teeth): Small. Talk. Familiar with the concept?

**Lily**: Oh. I guess. Nice weather we're having, isn't it?

**Presenter**: (sighs and up comes another annoyingly perfect smile.) I think it's time to leave Lily for now and go meet the boys!

_-Classy, catchy music comes on, and we see Presenter fleeing down the corridor outside the fat lady's portrait._-

* * *

**Presenter**: Well, that was our dazzling diva, now lets meet this weeks contestants!

_Voice Over: Our first contestant is a stud with quite a reputation here at Hogwarts, he likes long walks by the lake and working on his motorcycle! Yes ladies, it's Sirius Black!_

_Even classier, catchier music takes over and camera pans down Sirius's body, then up to his face. He tosses his hair from his face and says_ "Ladies"

_Voice over: My ladies, are you in for a treat today! Our second contestant is a wild spirit with a face that could melt an iceberg, yes, you've guessed it, it's Mr. James Potter!_

_Camera pans his body, and James gives it a sultry look before grinning broadly and saying,_ "Hey."

_Voice Over: So there you have him, ladies. He likes Quidditch and meeting your parents!_

_Voice Over: Our final contestant today is a romantic with a taste for the soulful, he likes reading and chocolate! It's Remus Lupin!_

_Camera pans his body, and focuses on his face, which is beetroot red. He manages a nod in the direction of the camera_

**Presenter**: Welcome to Passion Fashion boys! So how are you feeling? Excited? Nervous?

**Sirius**: Fan-tab-ulous! This is gonna be fun!

**Presenter**: Sure sweetie_(she gives him an understanding look and turns away from him)_ So, Remus, what motivated you to come on the show?

**Remus** : I, ah, I lost a bet. This is a forfeit.

**Presenter**: Ah, I see. Well I be whoever you bet against will be kicking himself that he didn't enter when he sees this weeks glamorous girl!

**Remus**: No, no, that wasn't the bet. He wanted to enter.

**Sirius**: Damn right I did!

_She turns to James_. So James, reckon you have a chance of winning?

**James**: Against these two idiots? Of course I will!

**Presenter**: So Sirius, Did you get any help from anywhere?

**Sirius**: Well, I owled my cousin Andy for fashion tips and ideas for shopping for women's clothes...

**Presenter**: Well? Did she have any ideas?

**Sirius**: Her father received the message. He passed it on to my father. It wasn't pleasant. I'd rather not discuss it.

**Presenter**: Oh, I see. Your father wouldn't be the sensitive type I take it?

**Sirius**: That's right.

**Presenter**: Well, we'll see what we can do to his son!

**Sirius**: ah hah hah, yes... (He suddenly looks nervous) Presenter ignores this and turns back to James.

**Presenter**: So what is your type of girl, James?

**James**: Well, I have a soft spot for red hair, to tell the truth. And green eyes. It's important that she could get on with my friends too.

**Presenter**: Good good. So, fashionably speaking, what type of look do you normally go for Sirius?

**Sirius** _(After considering the question thoughtfully)_: Well it's got to be backless, naturally. I'm also thinking short skirt, know what I mean? And everybody likes yellow.

**Presenter**(not knowing whether or not to laugh, decides to move on with the show): Well, the diva in question prepared a little something for you. Let me present this weeks stunner, Lily.

_(She leans forward to stir a pensive and an image of Lily rises from the cauldron)_

_--James, Remus and Sirius all lean forward as the image of Lily begins to speak.--_

_Hi guys,. I'm Lily. I'm a seventh year here at Hogwarts. My style? I mainly wear mu uniform and robes-what? _(off screen) _what's not stylish about my uniform? Everyone wears them. That's what fashion is, everyone wearing the same thing. Isn't it?_

_Anyway, I, uh, like green I guess. And blue. And black. And brown. I dunno really, _(off screen) _what colour suits me? Well that's helpful. Of course I know red clashes with my hair. What do you take me for? Geez. Anyway, that's me. Be open minded when shopping for me, but not to open minded. I'll see y'all later!_

_Camera turns to James Sirius and Remus._

**James**: Wowee.

**Sirius**: In agreement.

**Remus**: Definitely. But she didn't exactly give any clues about what to buy. What if I fail miserably? What if-

**Sirius**: Who cares? She's hot.

**Presenter**: Well, I hope that will help you with your tough decisions. Here are your vouchers for your respective shops. You must select and outfit that you believe shows off your personality-

**Sirius**: _(Chuckles)_

**Presenter**: -and naturally, takes some hints from the recording. Well, off you go, and happy shopping!

**Remus** _(mutters)_: Merlin help us!

Commercial Break

* * *

**Presenter**: Welcome back to this very special edition of Passion Fashion! Lets catch up with James, Remus and Sirius as they attempt to woe our Goddess... ...With their taste in clothes! I think Sirius is in here! Camera focuses on the name of the shop, "Nearly Nude".

_(Inside_) **Presenter**: Sirius!

**Sirius**: Presenter!

**Presenter**: How are you getting on?

**Sirius**: Fantastic! If I had of known that shopping for women was this much fun I'd of done it years ago! So much selection! So much colour! And so little material!

**Presenter**: I'm glad your enjoying yourself! Have you picked out anything in particular?

**Sirius**: I sure did! I picked out about ten outfits, over there. (_He gestures to a small pile of clothing_)

**Presenter**: Not a lot of material for ten outfits! You really weren't kidding were you?

**Sirius**: After today I will never joke about fashion, darling.

**Presenter**: So what kind of occasions did you pick clothes for?

**Sirius**: She could wear this stuff round the castle everyday and I doubt that there would be any objections.

**Presenter**: You're so thoughtful! Show us what you got then.

**Sirius**: (_Holds up some black material_)

**Presenter**: Oh, hah hah, what a pretty belt!

**Sirius**: You see, that's what I thought. But it says on the label that it's a skirt! Can you believe that! It's just incredible!

**Presenter**: Incredible, it is. And you think she should wear it around Hogwarts?

**Siruis**: It'd be a revolution! Think of what it would do for morale! In fact, I think we should revolutionize the entire uniform! I'm mean _robes_! Come on! People must think that we live in the stone age or something!

**Presenter**: Good look with that sweetie. Anything else catch your eye?

**Sirius**: This dress!

**Presenter**: Wow. It's, well, short. And almost completely backless.

**Sirius**: Not to mention low cut.

**Presenter**: That's hard to miss.

**Sirius**: And it's Yellow!

**Presenter**: Even harder to overlook... Have you given any thought to what might suit Lily, Sirius? Certain styles and colours suit certain people you know.

**Sirius**: Oh. Well, will you try it on for, ah, a trial run?

**Presenter**: Me? But I'm tall and blonde, and Lily is well, a petite redhead.

**Sirius**: So?

**Presenter**: You know, I think that's all we have time for here in Nearly Nude! It's time to catch up with Remus, see what he's been up to! Happy Shopping, Sirius! Bye!

-_She sprints form the shop_-

**Presenter**: Well, that was Sirius, who seems to have plenty of ideas! Lets find Remus, and see how he is getting on!

-_(Inside) Presenter is looking around-_

**Presenter**: He must be in here somewhere!

-_She searches the shop and stops in front of a large sign with lingerie pointing to the basement. She shrugs and follows it. Remus is in a dark corner, with his back to the camera_.-

**Presenter**: You don't think she'd be a little cold in just that?

**Remus**: Ahh! I, eh, (_he hides several bras behind his back_) um, I'm just looking at different colour combinations, that's it.

**Presenter**: Sure you are sweetie. Been down here the whole time?

**Remus**: No! I just stumbled upon it now actually. I've been busy looking at, eh, jumpers and stuff

**Presenter**: Anything catch your eye?

**Remus**: Absolutely. Great things, those jumpers.

**Presenter**: Show us.

**Remus**: (sigh) You really don't give up, do you? He pulls out his wand and mutters something under his breath.

**Presenter**: And that's just lovely. I think it's time to go now, and give Remus and the knickers some alone time! Catch you later!

-_She wanders out of the shop, banging into the door frame twice before getting out. Just as she leaves, the camera swings back and sees Remus practising undoing the bra strap on a mannequin-_

* * *

**Presenter**(Looking slightly dazed): I'm outside Wonderful Witch now, where James is working his magic! Lets go and see how close he is to deciding! Enters, to find James surrounded in masses of clothes in various styles, sitting down and reading a Quidditch magazine.

**Presenter**: Well well, James. You've been busy! Chosen already?

**James**: ah, not exactly, no.

**Presenter**: Well you had better get a move on then! She's not going to fall for a naked mannequin!

**James**: My head hurts!

**Presenter**: What? Why?

**James**: I'm so confused!

**Presenter**: Confused?

**James**: As in really, really baffled, bewildered bemused and confused.

**Presenter**: It's not really that hard sweetie.

**James**: How do women find this kind of thing therapeutic? Here, and example. he holds up a sleeveless and backless top. I mean, what is it? And how come it has no back? Wouldn't your back get cold? And there's these four kind of floppy layers here on the front... Wouldn't it make more sense to put two on the back and two on the front?

**Presenter**: I'll wait till you're older to answer that sweetie.

**James**: And this, look. What is this zip for? It doesn't go anywhere! Who wants to randomly open their combats at the knee? This is so confusing!

**Presenter**: Fashion darling. It's not meant to make sense. But you're not to badly dressed yourself, dear. How did you choose that top?

**James**: My mom did.

**Presenter**: Ah. That explains things.

**James**: And look at this um, top that goes over other top thinghy with a button.

**Presenter**: You mean cardigan?

**James**: Yeah, exactly. Why is it so short when the sleeves are so long?

**Presenter**: Fashion.

**James**: I suppose I should have guessed that you were going to say that by now.

**Presenter**: Don't you ever take notice of what girls wear around you?

**James**: Hogwarts uniform isn't really all that similar to any of the stuff in here. Let's just say that I doubt any of the girls are in danger of catching colds. And look at this, cardigan, you called it?

**Presenter** nods.

**James**: Does anything scream kidney infection louder than this?

**Presenter**: Convincing argument honey, but it wouldn't send me rushing out to buy the robes. But the girls don't wear their uniforms all the time, do they? when they go out to Hogsmeade, what do they wear?

**James**: Its not the clothes that I look at.

**Presenter**: And I guess I probably should have know that you were going to say that. Well, I have to go, so I'll leave you to make your decision. See you later!

Well that was James! I hope he chooses something quickly, because time is nearly up! After this commercial break we will find out which outfit our dashing diva chooses! Stay tuned!

_Commercial break_

* * *

Mmm, the tension! What will they choose? And who will Lily choose? Hehe. I hope you liked it. Drop me a review and tell me what you think! I'll more than likely have the rest of this up by Tuesday. But hey, Reviews will definitely motivate me to type faster!

GJ


	2. Episode One Part Two

Welcome back!

Don't own it.

Enjoy!

(I hope it's easier to read now. I didn't use quotation marks because as it has so much text they just made the whole thing look messy.)

* * *

**Presenter**: Welcome back to this very special episode of Passion Fashion! The boys have decided, which means it's time to welcome Lily back to the show! How are you Lily? Nervous? Excited? 

**Lily**: I guess.

**Presente**r: Well, the boys have worked hard all day, and each one has chosen an outfit for you, which are hanging in the dressing rooms behind us. Are you ready?

**Lily**: As ready as I will ever be

**Presenter**: What is the worst thing that one of the lads could pick out for you?

**Lily**: Ugh. A really short skirt or dress would be awful. Or something that clashed with my hair. Or if it looked like he had chosen something just to make me look stupid.

**Presenter**: Well, here's outfit number one!

_Duel of the fates comes on and she pushes the door open. Inside is a pair of blue jeans, a red t-shirt with a guitar design, a short military style jacket and a pair of low heeled navy boots._

**Presenter:** Not a bad start, is it?

**Lily**_(sounding surprised)_: No, it isn't.

**Presenter**: Well, get in there and try it on!

_(Five minutes later)_

**Lily**: It fits! And I like it!

**Presenter**: So what do you think? And what kind of guy do you think would pick this?

**Lily**: It's a nice outfit, the kind of thing that I might buy for myself. It's very sweet-looking too.

**Presenter**: Any negatives?

**Lily**: It's very safe.

**Presenter**: Well, lets find out what the others chose. Here's cabin two!

_Cabin door swings open and we see Lily and the Presenter staring in, looking shocked_.

**Lily**: Oh dear.

**Presenter**(Looking shocked): It's very different.

**Lily**: Aye. Different is definitely the word.

**Presenter: **You should go and try it on.

**Lily: **I suppose I should.

_Lily comes out wearing red high heels, and a long narrow royal blue dress that appears to be made from plastic and reaches down below her knees._

**Presenter**: Christ Almighty. Do, you, em like it?

**Lily**: ...

**Presenter**: Well I had to ask. Is there any aspect of it that you do like?

**Lily**: No.

**Presenter**: How about the shoes?

**Lily:** No

**Presenter:**The colour?

**Lily: **No.

**Presenter**: Want to try the next outfit?

**Lily**: Hell yeah! _She pushes the door open_ Wow!

_Inside is a purple long sleeved jumper and a pair of brown combats that ended below the knee, and purple dolly shoes_

**Lily**: It's so colourful!

**Presenter**: Well, go try it on!

(_Later_)

_Lily comes out and twirls_

**Presenter**: You like it then?

**Lily**: I do. I'd never, ever in a million years choose it myself it's odd and quirky, but I like it.

**Presenter**: What kind of man do you think would choose this outfit?

**Lily**: A daring one. Somebody not afraid to a risk, and who hasn't got a clue about fashion, which I'm beginning to think is a good thing.

**Presenter**: Well, change back into your own clothes and lets meet the boys!

* * *

**Presenter**: Lily, let me introduce you to...James! 

_James walks out with a small blush on his cheeks, kisses her cheek and stands off to the side, running his hand through his hair._

**Presenter**: Remus!

_A beetroot-red faced Remus walks out and stands to the side, shifting his feet uncomfortably._

**Presenter** : And finally...Sirius!

_Sirius strides out, envelops Lily in a bear hug and goes to stand with James and Remus. He surveys how they are standing and stands with is hands on his hips and chest puffed out._

**Presenter**: Well, there they are, a little nervous I'm sure, but their job is finished and now it's up to Lily to decide! Before she does, we are going to have a little chat! You boys wait here!

_She grabs Lily's hand and drags her into the changing room_

**Presenter**: So? What do you think? Who caught your eye?

**Lily**: Um, I dunno, the second one, Remus I guess. He seemed sweet.

**Presenter**: And the other two?

**Lily**: Sirius seemed a little arrogant, but James was nice I guess. I like his hair.

**Presenter**: Well, you; know how it works, you choose the outfit, not the guy! I'll leave you to make your choice. I'll wait with the boys.

**Presenter** (_outside_): So how is everybody? James?

**James**: Fine I guess

**Sirius**: Yup, good good.

**Presenter**: Anybody regretting their choice? Sirius?

**Sirius**: Of course not!

**Presenter**: You're still confident then?

**Sirius**: Confidence, my dear , is my middle name. But if she doesn't pick me, are you free tonight?

**Presenter**: No.

**Sirius**: James?

**James**: Not a chance.

**Sirius**: Remus?

**Remus**: Not happening.

**Sirius**: Well, she'd better pick me then! Hmm, maybe I can magic myself a little good luck...

**Presenter**: NO! No magic allowed on the show!

**James**: Um, it's ok, I think he's kidding... why, what's the matter?

**Presenter**(_Takes her hands off her head_): Oh. Never mind. (_she glances at Remus, confusedly, whose face is beetroot red, shrugs and turns back._

**Lily**: _(From background_)Can I come out yet?

**Presenter**: Crap. One sec! _(off stage) _hit it!

_-Loud, catchy build up music plays-_

**Presenter**: Come on out Lily!

_-Loud noise of a door creaking open, and Lily marches out, smiling, wearing the purple and brown outfit.-_

**Presenter**: Lily! You look fantastic! Doesn't she boys!

**James**: Stunning.

**Sirius**: Ravishing.

**Remus**: Beautiful.

**Presenter**: _(To camera) _We do this bit to build suspense.

**Presenter**: So, Lily, what kind of guy do you think would pick this outfit?

**Lily**: Someone daring, playful, and not afraid to take a risk. It's not perfect, or fashionable, but whoever chose it has guts, I'm certain of that. I'm sure that whoever choose it doesn't have a clue about fashion, which after today I think is a good thing. (_She eyes Remus hopefully)_

**Presenter**: Would the gentleman who choose this beautiful outfit please step forward!

_With a massive grin, Sirius takes a step forward and poses, as a triumphant fanfare plays in the background._

**Lily**: You!?!

**Sirius**: Me!

**Lily**: Not you?

**Remus**: Nah, 'fraid not.

**Lily**: Or even you!

**James**: Next time, hopefully.

**Presenter**: Well I'm afraid we've come to the end of this special edition of Passion Fashion, I hope you've enjoyed the show, and you can rest assured that there is a little more love in the world! (_She looks over at Lily and Sirius, the latter not put out in the slightest at the looks Lily is sending his way.)_

**Presenter**: Well, anyway, until next time, we'll be fashionable but it's up to you to be passion-able! Till next week!

* * *

Enjoy the show? I might extend it, and have more episodes with other characters, what do you think? 


End file.
